Wednesday, March 29, 2006
National Manif!
ps ill have pics up soon of the greve, and Winnie too!
Monday, March 27, 2006
Satisfied??
If you’re involved in Campus Crusades at all you probably see this question a lot. It’s part of a booklet that shows people how God and Christ are the only way to be truly satisfied. It’s been awhile since I’ve looked at the booklet. I don’t even have it here. But recently it’s come to mind. I’ll explain what I mean. I saw on the tram one day a girl wearing a clear belt with English writing that said in big letters “ARE YOU SATISFIED?” I doubt she even knows what that means, but it made me think of that booklet. Since then I’ve heard countless people, whether to me or people in a movie, talk about how to find the “satisfaction” or “meaning” in life. And now I’m reading the book Vanity Fair, which is pretty much a book about how people chase after meaningless things in their life and are never really happy. The back cover has in big letters a quote from the book that says, “Which of us is happy in this world? Which of us has his desire? Or, having it, is satisfied?” I’m not paranoid when I tell you that this question has literally been bombarding me lately. And when it does, I can’t help but ask that question to myself. Anyone who has asked themselves probably knows what answer I’ve come across.
I don’t know. I should be shouldn’t I? But I think I might not be…Is it bad of me if I’m not??
Does that ring a bell for anyone? Maybe it has in the past, does now, or will in the future, but I think you’d all be hard pressed to convince me that at one time or another you have never doubted your own satisfaction in life. That being said, you may wonder (or if you already know, it may come to mind) what the answer in the little booklet is. In so many words, it says that through our forgiveness in Christ, the grace of our Father, and the fruit of the Spirit, we find our satisfaction. To be sure, it doesn’t claim that you’ll always be happy (because happiness and joy are most assuredly two different things). But it does say that if you believe, you will find your satisfaction in God, and God alone. Now knowing this, you can imagine how it feels to think that:
a. you believe in God, trust in Christ for salvation, the whole deal
b. you should be satisfied
c. you might not be satisfied
Sorry for the list like that, but it may help show you what I’m getting at. Now you may wonder where my doubt stems from. Here are some examples of things that run through my mind. What good have I done here? Why has no one come to know Christ? Am I being selfish with my time/effort? Does God just not want to use me? I don’t know where my life is headed. I catch myself falling short of God’s glory every minute of every day. Being here has made me acutely aware of my sins (when you’re not surrounded by fellow believers it’s not only harder to stay strong, but you finally stop ignoring the sins you’ve had all along. It’s somehow easier to ignore them as long as you surround yourself with “good Christian people”…). I get frustrated with people, cursing them in my heart and in front of other people. I doubt and worry (though not once has God left a prayer or request unanswered since I’ve been here, and before that I’m sure). The list goes on. Recently I even had a dream that has stuck with me. All I remember is that someone told me I was unable to have kids. Now in my dream my concern wasn’t that I wouldn’t be able to have a child one day (which is the logical fear that would follow). Instead all I could think of was that I was barren. That’s the word that stuck in my head. It’s a word I never use. It comes straight out of the Old Testament or something. Lindsey, you’re barren. What a horrible feeling. I woke up and all day wondered about it. Before I went to bed again I asked God to tell me what it meant. I guess I thought I’d have another dream that would make more sense, but as we all know God doesn’t work the way we expect. My next dream was nothing, I don’t even remember it. But I do know that my mind started thinking of my dream in another way. The feeling turned towards a fear that I wasn’t being fruitful. I wasn’t producing anything for God. I wasn’t helping with the harvest, and I wasn’t building the kingdom. I was barren. I don’t understand if it meant that I actually am unfruitful, or if it represented my fear that I’m unfruitful. My heart, on an honest day, leans towards the latter. (This is the first time I’ve ever thought my dream might be more than just a dream. If it’s happened to you, you’ll know the feeling. God still speaks to us in dreams, and I believed that. I just didn’t think He did that with me…I was wrong. I’m not saying you have to believe me, but I am saying that if you were me you’d believe me. I hope that made sense.)
Talk about unsatisfied. The problem is this now: how can I be unsatisfied if I really believe? That can’t be okay. It’s all supposed to work out, right? I’m a veteran Christian. I know the verses, the answers. If you know me at all you’ve probably sense that attitude. I can answer the questions, give advice. I pretty much have it all under control (like so many of you out there. Am I right?) Not necessarily. While most Christians profess with great vigor their total satisfaction in Christ, let’s be honest. How many of you have doubted that very thing you preach to the world? And those that haven’t, how honest are you being with yourself? This isn’t to say that I always feel this way. On the contrary, most days I feel extremely satisfied. But my faith goes through seasons. God is pointing something out to me. He’s using the world around me to point me to what my own heart is feeling. He’s cool like that. The question is: where do I go from here? I won’t even pretend to know the answer to that. But it’s a start. And I’m only sharing this with you in the off chance that maybe you’ve been feeling the same hint from above that I have. Take solace in that you’re not alone. Actually, the fact that you even have those feelings shows just how involved God is in your faith/life/journey (didn’t know which word summed it up best, so I’ll just put all of them). If He didn’t care, He’d be content to just let you go about your life all hunky dory. You may ask, what’s so bad about that? Let’s just say that God wouldn’t polish and sharpen a yo-yo for war. So the yo-yo can just dink around as it likes, but it will never get to be apart of God’s glorious victory in battle. So you can either go through life blissfully ignorant, and be the yo-yo, or, you can be the secret weapon that God busts out to destroy the enemy. But to be the weapon you have to be prepared, which isn’t always an easy undertaking. So take your pick. (Fyi: this is alluding back to a previous entry about a passage I really like in Isaiah, so if you didn’t read it you may want to scroll down and check it out).
Avignon and some fun at the ranch...
This whole week has been pretty gloomy until this weekend rolled around. It was so sunny Saturday that it made me feels like its summertime. You know that feeling that everything is more laid back and peaceful and warm and bright. I love that feeling. To make the most of the day, a few of us decided to take an adventure to the Camargue region, the delta of the Rhone that’s known for its bulls and horses. We hopped on a bus and asked the bus driver what stop to get off to go horseback riding. He wasn’t all that helpful, because he said when we got off we’d have a lot of walking to do, and he didn’t know in what direction. So we hoped for the best, and when we got off the bus we asked some locals. After a asking around we got pointed in the right direction and started walking. We finally made to a stretch of rode with a bunch of ranches. It’s weird because it felt so country (finally!) but we were still in France. We found a ranch that we liked (not pony rides, real horses), and we decided to go on the 2 hour trail ride that takes you along the beach…It was so beautiful to be riding along next to the Mediterranean. Let’s just say experiences like this don’t come often in one’s lifetime. I had a wonderful horse that didn’t get into too much trouble. Amy had a spunky horse that liked to skip people in line, stop and eat, then run to skip everyone again. It’s funny because our guide warned us that if the horse starts running that whatever we do don’t scream. Just stay calm and pull back on the reigns. I told him that we wouldn’t but he said almost all girls do. So I said that we were American girls, and we were tough. He laughed and said even all the American girls scream when their horses go nuts. So he didn’t believe me. But at one point Amy’s horse went nuts, her foot came out of the stirrup, and she was practically airborne off her saddle because Amigo, her horse, just took off with no warning. She didn’t scream, though, and just kept her balance and gave his reigns a good tug to slow him down. I told the guide we were tough, but no one ever believes me…All in all the ride was a ton of fun (though I’m a little sore, and the guides made fun of how we rode…bouncy with chicken wing arms), and I can’t think of a better way to spend such a gorgeous Saturday afternoon. The ranch even gave us a ride back into town in their pickup, so we had some time to cruse around the beach town before our bus came. The day was a success, and I even got a little color (by which I mean sunburned, but its better than white…). There’s nothing like a little adventure to pluck up your spirit.
Today I had less luck. Though the weather is still beautiful, today I was apparently supposed to “spring forward”. Needless to say, when I got to church the service was over, sad. The sweet old man out front explained that the time changed, and at first I thought he meant just for the church. I thought: that’s odd, in France services (among everything else) rarely if ever starts before 10. But what he meant, and I finally understood, was that daylight savings time was today…oops.
Oh and this might make you smile. Since I have no speakers for my music (courtesy of the french customs office), I'm forced to use my headphones. Recently, I've been having quiet a few dance parties using only my headphones. So if you can picture it, I'm dancing away to my music (mainly country) and if anyone could see me they wouldnt be able to hear it and I'd just look like a fool. So I hope that mental image makes you laugh. Love y'all!
Monday, March 20, 2006
St Patty's Weekend
Friday all my roomies went to Dublin for the weekend, so I thought I'd have a crumy time alone. As it turns out, I had a blast. On friday Molly and I met up with some people at Charlie's and we got to meet this cool girl from Austria. I wasn't up for the pub crawl though so I cut out early. On Saturday we went to the "island" of Sete, which is a really quaint little fishing village. Unfortuntatly it was cold and windy, but I know it'll be really cool when it's nice out! They have festivals where two boats row towards each other in the canals and two people joust and try to knock the other person into the water. I want to go back in late spring and see that. Afterwards I braved a french haircut (scary!) and the dude did a good job...surprisingly enough. He didn't have much to work with cause I couldnt explain what i wanted in french so it was kind of up to him. I brought Molly though to make sure I didn't come out with the french verision of the mullet, which is really popular right now.
That night we met up with Elodie and her friends at McD's and then the cinema. We watched "failure to launch" and it was dubbed in french...interesting, but not hard to follow. Then they drove us to a "boite de nuit" (litterally box of night), or a discotheque if you will, where we had to learn to dance to techno music! That's the french fav, esp in this area. Its so hard to dance to. Luckily, with the crazy strobe lights/lazers each you only see still frames of people. So no one can really see you dance. Another good thing, techno is not condusive for "grinding" so boys don't bother you so much (well there was one but he was easily gotten rid of, its nice to have boys there you know, or aleast elodie knows...). They played one Beyounce song and I flipped out when they did. I'm not the most confident dancer but when you spend all night trying to dance to techno and you finally hear beyounce, well you go nuts! It was a blast. I taught elodie how to dance more american style. More upper body and arms, not just hips/feet like french do. They also played cotten eyed joe (circa high school dances!) and I taught her how to do a cowboy lasso (hey its the closet thing to country ive heard since ive been here). It was a blast and I didn't get home till like 4amish. Its nice to have a driver because the buses stop at 12 and you can't go anywhere. And no worries, even in france they make sure to have a DD (which for us was elodie b/c she can dance to that stuff, unlike her friends, without a drop of alchol bc she loves it so much!)
Sunday...I slept late and then spring cleaned! The place needed it, and I was bored. Its a good excuse to listen to music. I just put on some worship music, sang (another advantage of being home alone!), and well..cleaned. I think the roomies where happy because it sucks to come back to a messy apart after traveling. So all around a good day/weekend.
Now I get to plan spring break! The first week will be with the coolest girl ever, miss dana in spain! (hopefully!!). Looks like the secound week will be in Tunisia (north africa). I'm pumped cause we get to take 4X4 into the sand dunes and see oasis' and mosques and ancient ruines, and the beach! So fun stuff is coming up!
The strike is still truckin. Read the new york times if you're interested. France made the news!
Don't worry, down here we're not all crazy like Sorbone in Paris. Our grevers prefer to party with their bongo drums, not shower, smoke pot, let their dogs run free, and juggle. It's pretty much just an excuse to fete (party). We're like the 60's but in France. So...still no class (with the french students). Which sucks because I can't practice my french (I dont see elodie half as much!). It either needs to end now or just go till the end of the semester. The govn't is thinking about postpoing the decision so kids will go back to school, but idk. Apparently france is on the brink of a socio economic revolution and I'm in the middle of it...yay! At least MN promised I'd still get credits if I write a research paper...but a research paper in french is no easy task! I'm really getting frustrated with the strike because in France they don't talk and discuss issues. If someone is afraid of change, they block everything! So nothing ever changes....when will they learn....
Wednesday, March 15, 2006
Church/strike/bored...
The strike is still going!!! The worst part is, MN wants us to do 15 page papers per class that we miss in addition to the work we have when the strike stops. Thats a lot to write in french to take the place of 2 weeks off. Because they didn't tell us ahead of time, we couldn't use those to 2 weeks to write them! But we're negotiating ourselves with our office to see if those papers can take the place of our exams should the strike end (if it does it will be two weeks before exams and we'll have a lot to catch up on for the final, not sure how that would work). So the strike is really starting to bother everyone. We just want to go back to class. Although we've been told that we're really lucky to be here at such an important time in french social/economic strife. I disagree. Our professor said that before she lived in other countries, she thought it was normal to strike everytime you disagreed. Then she moved and realized that in some countries they communicate/negotiatie/discuss the issues. But here, if they don't like it...they block everything till its repelled. Its a super conservative country in that respect. Change is feared. The thing is, France really needs this law to solve their unemployment epidemic. But the french are afraid that they could be fired (the bill makes it easier for employers to fire new workers if they aren't up to par, but as of now once you're hired youre in for good so employers never want to hire more ppl). Maybe they should actually work at their jobs to prevent being fired. I dont know. All I know is that stopping your education is taking away the only thing that will help you in this world, so poor move militant hippies. The wierdest part, is that the business school just joined in! That's how you know its serious. They never strike, because they're practically guarenteed jobs after they graduate. So I'm not sure why the business kids, future employers, would go on strike. That just means it will be till at least April 1st before classes start, if at all. In the mean time...I just wait around and take my 3 MN classes.
This weekend everyone's going to Dublin for St Patty's day except me (too expensive/i dont have fridays off even with the strike). So Friday night would be a wonderful night for phone calls! I think Molly and I might take a field trip to Sete, a small fishing village, on saturday. I might chill with Elodie too that night. But for the most part this will be a low key weekend...On the plus side, I'm almost done with Orgueil et Prejuges (pride and prejudice my 4th time) so I'll have time to finish it! (I'm a huge dork I know, don't make fun)
Friday, March 10, 2006
Some insights from this week
1 Corinthians 2: 1-5
When I came to you, brothers, I did not come with eloquence or superior wisdom as I proclaimed to you the testimony about God. For I resolved to know nothing while I was with you except Jesus Christ and him crucified. I came to you in weakness and fear, and with much trembling. My message and my preaching were not with wise and persuasive words, but with a demonstration of the Spirit's power, so that your faith might not rest on men's wisdom, but on God's power.
1 Corinthians 3: 6-9I planted the seed, Apollos watered it, but God made it grow. So neither he who plants nor he who waters is anything, but only God, who makes things grow. The man who plants and the man who waters have one purpose, and each will be rewarded according to his own labor. For we are God's fellow workers; you are God's field, God's building.
These verses spoke worlds! How easy is it to think that I can do anything with my own talent/power/wisdom. And what happens when you do that? You fail, and you get frustrated. God uses the things you think won't matter, like a silly web journal, or maybe its a kind word or two to a friend, almost anything you wouldnt think of yourself (as is usually the case) to move mountains. So...it's time to stop being frustrated. God will use me as and when He sees fit. In the mean time, all He asks is that I follow him and walk in His will so that when the time comes I will be ready. Another verse comes to mind that I heard Mrs Ramiah speak on in Isaiah 49.
Isaiah 49
1 Listen to me, you islands;hear this, you distant nations:
Before I was born the LORD called me;
from my birth he has made mention of my name.
2 He made my mouth like a sharpened sword,
in the shadow of his hand he hid me;
he made me into a polished arrow
and concealed me in his quiver.
3 He said to me, "You are my servant,
Israel, in whom I will display my splendor."
4 But I said, "I have labored to no purpose;
I have spent my strength in vain and for nothing.
Yet what is due me is in the LORD's hand,
and my reward is with my God."
yet another interesting week
The next night Kaylin's family, who are here for a visit, witnessed an interesting scene at la comedie downtown. Appartently some guy was being restrained by 3 men and he broke loose, busted out a gun, shot the ground and ran. Then he shot again, idk where. Luckily someone caught up to him, hit him over the head with a wine bottle, and subdued him. There was an off duty gendarm who helped catch him. The wierdest thing is, no one in France is allowed to own/carry guns. So...not sure how that happened. That's the most excitement this city has seen outside of the strike.
Last night Kaylin and Kate's parents took us to this cute restaurant called Aux Deux Fondue. You can order a cheese fondue and dip in bread or potatoes, or you can get what I got which is the pieces of raw beef that you dip in this smoldering oil that cooks it. Then you get 3 really good sauces to dip it in. The meat was sooo good. Daddy, you would have loved it. You can cook it to whatever level you prefer, but I got impatient (because you have to cook each bite...) so mine were a little on the rare juicy side. I think that might have freaked out Katie (a vegetarian) who was sitting next to me. But as Kate said, we like our beef practically mooing. haha. They also served us wine in baby bottles (a bigger hole was cut so you could actually drink it), and that was pretty funny. The parents thought it was hilarious. The wine was supposedly good, but again it all tastes bad to me. And apparently wine makes me sleepy, because I only had only the one bottle and I was about to fall asleep right there at the table. So unlike the others, I declined a refill, or I really would have fallen asleep. Afterwards some people ordered chocolate fondu where they dipped fruit and bread into it. That was delicious. So all around, a tastey night.
This weekend, Im not doing much. We might be celebrating Ali's birthday saturday. But otherwise, its a low key money saving weekend for me. I'm trying to figure out how to see Dana next weekend, but sadly its not working! I hope I can find something.
Wednesday, March 08, 2006
More stories...
And now for the land of waffles and fries...aka, Belgium. As you can imagine a land of waffles and fries is pretty much my heaven! They aren't kidding when they say Belgium has the best waffles in the world. The best is when they are covered in melted belgian chocolate...oh man. It's utter goodness. The fries are also some of the best, no lie. I would know. There was no ranch, malheureusement, but they had a whole bunch of cool "sauzens" to try. We started our Beligian adventures in Brugge. In Brugge the people are Flemmish. In other words, they don't in fact speak french, but Flemmish (kinda close to German, to me anyways). It is impossible to understand. If you try to speak french to them, they get upset. They'd rather use english. The city itself was so beautiful. It wasn't touched by the horrors of the world wars, so all of the old buildings are still intact. This is the view from atop the Belfry. We took a boat tour and met a really cute little french boy named Christian. We started talking to him and he said, "mais vous parlez anglais!" (but you speak english!). He loved the cameras that we all had, and he even took some pics with them himself. That day we also visited the Basilica of the Holy Blood. We saw what was reputedly the blood of Jesus. We had the oppurtunity to go up and lay hands on it and pray. Everyone went up, although those who didn't believe felt uneasy about it, but it was up to each person whether or not they wanted to go up. When I prayed, I asked that whether or not this is actually Christ's blood (which I highly doubt it is, and even if it is, physical objects shouldn't be worshiped like idols themselves...) that the power of Christ's blood would reign in that church, city, country, and world. Because it's the power of His blood that brings true redemption, not a vile which may or may not have been His.
The next city on our stop was Brussels (where they speak french!). We went to the Museam of Beaux Arts and wondered the historic area of the city. What was suprising to me was what this city is famous for. It's a small (maybe a foot or 2 high) statue of a little boy peeing. Its called Mannekin Pis or something. When we saw it we weren't all that impressed, but I guess to each his own. If thats what they think is the coolest, good for them. Personnally I think they should stick to advertising the waffles!
We made it home without any problems, praise God. And it was seriously the most wonderful, though cold, vacation. Now I'm back, and my school is still on strike! It could go through April. Luckily, Minnesota said that they'd have us write papers or something so we can still get credits and not fall behind back at our real schools. So strike away french, but it won't do much. I asked Elodie why they are allowed to do it, and even she didn't think they were allowed. I told her that in the States you can't just lock down your university and barracade it. The police will come and arrest and fine people. We just don't put up with that. But I guess it's different in France...Oh and don't think I just don't have school. I still have my 3 minnesota classes. But still, this is all very wierd.
Tuesday, March 07, 2006
Feburary Break
After Lyon, we went to Dijon, France. It was a small city with a quaint atmosphere. Unfortunately, we were there on a Sunday and nothing was open. We went to the big catholic church there, and it was a low key service. There again was a huge and beautiful building that was practically empty (of both bodies and spirit). So that was sad, like the last church service I went to in Montpellier. After church we wondered around in the bitter cold. It was so cold in fact that we spent to rest of the day going from restaurant to restaurant just to avoid being outside. We got to meet Christina's friend from home, Bo. I asked if he knew the slogan "Bo knows" and he did, but he didn't know who it originated from. So I gave him a mini lesson in Auburn football...haha.
We left Dijon on an overnight bus to Munich. It was a long long ride but we eventually made it to yet another cold city. Munich was cold, but it was so cool. I loved the atmosphere and the buildings. Fortunatly for us it was Mardi Gras so we saw lots of costumes and food and music stands. That night we ventured to the Hobrahouse (sp?), the most famous beer hall in Germany, recommended by my parents. It was quite the experience. Ladies in old dress, a band playing german music, and of course mugs swaying back and forth. The mugs were so big, that all four of us split one, just to see what all the fuss was about. For beer, I guess Germany makes some of the best, but I can't say I was a fan. Maybe thats just me. We were there mainly to watch the crowd, and that provided us with a lot of entertainment.
The most touching story I read was about the Jevohas Witnesses who amidst their struggles banded together and never lost faith. Everyday they praised God for his goodness. The other prisoners were angered and jealous of thier high spirits. They gave food to thier fellow prisoners even when they themselves were no more than skin and bones. It was an example that puts me to shame. Which of my problems even approachs their struggle? And still I complain and get angry with God while those persecuted so cruely were still praising Him! It makes my faith seem fake and selfish at best.
Through all of our travels, we never once had a problem. God's hand was over us all the time, keeping us safe and happy. So thank God for his protection and blessings. And I am so thankful to even have had the chance to see more of his creation like He made possible for me to do. I still have to tell you about Belgium, but I'm out of time. I love you all!