Africa...

So the following is an account, a poor one at that, of my adventures in Africa for a week. Actually, let me clarify, I was on the continent of Africa yes, but it wasn't you're usual safari/lion king kinda place. I was in North Africa, which for all intensive purposes is generally considered the Middle East. So the culture I got a taste of was one that's been kind of important in current events, so to speak. Let me begin with this: I LOVED it. I've never had a more unique or fun vacation to date. And as of this semester, I've been a lot of places. But let me tell you, Tunisia is not Europe. Eventually all the churches and museams and everything start looking alike in Europe, but in Tunisia I felt like I was on another planet.



We began our adventures on the island of Djerba (so pretty much a relaxing resort). All of the buildings were white-washed with blue doors or beams. That was soo beautiful. Most of the houses also had dome roofs which were pretty cool. So we started out sun bathing and swimming in the Mediterranian. We attracked a bit of attention when asked our nationality. They guessed Beligum for me and Portugeuse for others. Nope, American, we said. They didn't believe us. We were sometimes the first or second americans they'd EVER seen. It was crazy. The only people that go to Tunisia, we were later told, are french speaking people from Europe (it was a french protectorate). So needless to say we made a splash. Lots of ppl hollered out Bush to us, which didn't phase us much because they were doing it in a lighthearted manner. (I do realize that this is probably one of the safest Middle Eastern countries for an american to be in because it has no direct beef with the states or Bush and they LOVE making money off of tourists...even americans). So we relaxed and got some sun. I got to try a hooka which is a cultural pipe thing they have. It funnels flavored smoke through water to filter the impurites out and you get smoky incense left or something. Everyone was pretty suave with their swigs, but I on the other hand was ridiculous. It doesnt feel like you breath any in so when you stop you don't think you got any but they when you go to exhale all this smoke is there. It freaked me out and I just looked silly. Kyle claims he can do the rings, but we never saw it. The guys there were ridiculous by the way. Everywhere we went (that is the girls) we were propositioned, offerend coffee, offereed camels (to the boys in our group) in exchange for our hand in marriage, offered other things...It got annoying but at least we made some awesome deals in the shops because of it (the boys never got prices as low as ours).

Shopping was interesting. There are no set prices. They give you an absurd number and you give them an equally absurd one back. Eventually you make an agreement. They'll go real low if you start walking away (if you ever need to try it). It was fun at first but after awhile you just wanted to know what it cost and be done with it!

After a couple days we began our tour (in french with famlies and stuff...that was interesting). We started in this place where the sheperd ppl live. Its where they filmed part of Star Wars apparently. This culture is a lot different from the rest of the country, mainly Islamic. This people just chill out in there cave houses and weave and sheperd and all that good stuff. Where we went it was more for tourists to see, but there are a lot who still do everything the old ways to guard thier culture. (notice my lack of actual information, this will be common, the tour guide spoke really fast and in french...so i got only the gist of it...sorry). I can see why they filmed Star Wars here, it really didn't look like the earth I'm used to. That's in all seriousness by the way. It's not what you would usually think of when you think of a beautiful place, but it was litterally awesome, because it really did fill you with awe. God is creative. He did not make the whole world the same. It's really cool to be reminded of that just by seing His handywork. I seriously wonder sometimes how He came up with it all. But then I just remember...He's God.

The next place was really cool too, but kinda scarey. It was once a sea, I believe, and is now vast salty earth with some puddles here and there. It doesn't sound impressive, but it is. The impressive part is the size. It is huge. Vast, as Nasco and Kyle said. In fact, here's a picture of them trying to show the vastness. The sky just blended with the earth into one blurry thing. If you were left out in the middle of that, well that would suck a lot. I'd also like to show you the sign for Algerie, because while Tunisia may be neglected in french classes, Algerie is not. France and Algerie had a big war with them from 1952-1962 for their independance, which they got. Unfortunatly they are not on good terms and it is not a good vacation destination for francophones....

The next stop was the SAHARA, desert that is. Yeah the famous one. The crazy thing is, even though its just a bunch of sand (like a beach sans water), it's still really cool. Normally sand, like at a beach, isn't all that impressive but the sea or ocean is so huge and goes on forever. Well this time it was the sand. And there was lots of it. We saw at one point an oasis on our right and the desert on our left. Now an oasis isn't the two palm trees and a pond like you usually think of. An oasis is a ridiculously huge field of palm trees. Like a big farm of them. The reason it's an oasis is because it has a nifty supply of water somewhere underneath it that keeps the trees alive. So that was on one side, endless palm trees. The other side was sand and hills of sand and scorching sun that just goes on and on and on. It's crazy. You just don't see an end. Now to top of this, we did what every stupid western tourist (myself included) wants to do in the desert...we rode a camel! Well actually a dryaid (sp?) or something (one humped camel). They are bigger than you'd think. And they smell. They all look like girls too because of they're curly eyelashes. The people dressed us up in traditional tunic garb with the head covering. Now you wonder why they wear so much if its so hot, right? Well we figured that out soon enough. Once you step outside the sand blows. Everywhere. I couldn't see without my sunglasses on. I couldn't open my mouth without the cloth over it. So it all made sense. Now back to the camel. I got on mine, she was real sweet. But there was a bizarre dude leading my camel. I was the first on, but somehow I got behind all my friends and they were all up ahead farther than I could see. In fact I wasn't by any of our tour group. It was me and the camel guy. Now why do you think he did that? I'll give you one guess. I didn't think I looked so great with the garb on, but what can I say...He wanted to have lunch with me, know where the hotel was, where we were headed...now I didn't think that was good info to give out (esp since I was worried about being back there all aloneish) so I did the dumb blond (add foreigner to that) thing. He spoke in french, I didn't understand. He tried english, still no luck. Of course I really did understand but you get what I was going for. Then I ask for him to take me by my friends in the pink headgear. I think he thought I said boyfriend though. It seemed like after that he felt defeated cause he walked me up to another group of people and gave my camel to someone else. So I wasn't with my friends but at least there was no more tete-a-tete. Unfortunatly, because of his little shinanigins there is no pic of me on the camel...sorry. But don't worry, I still had a lot of fun. I was on a camel! Afterwards when he tried to find me again I pretended like Kyle was my boyfriend and it all worked out. Oh those guys...(thats my view from atop the camel by the way)

This is it for Part I. For more, tune in next week...haha. I'm such a tool. More coming though, I promise...

last quiz night.

This is a short one. just wanted to point out the fact that this part of my semester sucks. I went to quiz night last night and was real close to crying. You all know I don't do that often. I couldn't even have fun I was so upset at the thought of everyone leaving. france has been great but it wouldn't be half as amazing without all the people I've met here. I've never had a goodbye feel so emotional before. I think it's because for all practical purposes I won't see these people in a long long time if at all (of course Bhav and Christina have to live on opposite coasts...sad, not to mention Elodie on another continent). Even if I see them I won't have their constant presence to bring a smile to my face (cheesy but true..). Tomorrow is my last day with them. Gotta make it count...

a friday not soon forgotten

This was a Friday night that I won’t easily forget. But isn’t that always the case when God shows up in a big way? It’s easy to overlook Him in the minor details of life (though we shouldn’t be so complacent in our ingratitude), but sometimes He makes it clear that He is here and He is in charge. This is a weird entry to write about because those involved will probably be reading it (so if that’s you –I love you two!).

Anyways, back to what happened. Christina, Bhavana and I were just chillin in my apartment that night, doing I don’t even know what. Christina was on the phone with her boyfriend, and the night was winding down to an end. It was already 12ish and I knew Bhavana would probably be heading out soon. I didn’t want to forget to give her the book I wanted her to read, so I grabbed it from my room and gave it to her. I already gave Christina (already a Christian) a copy of Blue Like Jazz, one of my favs, cause I thought she’d really connect with it. For Bhavana, I had Mere Christianity by C.S. Lewis. That may seem like an odd choice, seeing that she’s Hindu, but here’s why. This girl has asked me more questions about Christianity and what I believe than any other non-believing friend I’ve ever had. Her curiosity is genuine and I never feel like I’ve given her the whole picture about what God and Jesus are all about. So…because she’s a smarty (and C.S. definitely writes to the intellectual sort), I thought that book might give her a good idea of the basics (or at least as close as you can get without reading the Bible itself). Now in all honesty I don’t know why I brought that book to France. I’ve already read it. I also didn’t want to give it to her. But I had a feeling I ought to, despite my seemingly better judgment. All of our God conversations before were like that. She had a question; she brought it up. I didn’t want to talk about it, and I definitely wouldn’t have brought it up. This is contrary to what I also imagined I would do in relational evangelism. I always pictured myself prepping and sticking the conversation out there; you know, me being the hero. No, this is not the case. God started it every time, and He used her to do that, not me (like I always assumed had to be the case). So that in mind, here is what happened.

I put the book on the table and she looked at it. After awhile she asked me straight up, “Are you trying to convert me?” What do you say to that?? Well not in those words, I thought, but if by convert you mean I someday want you to see the truth and believe it yourself and have your own personal relationship with your savior…then I guess the answer is yes. So I answered honestly, “Yeah I guess.” (I know that's a wonderful response, one of many more to come…) She was a little surprised, all of her other Christian friends never actual admitted that. So…what then? I would have dropped the subject, but then came the questions. Not the easy ones, but the hard ones. Eventually Christina’s phone call was over and she joined in. By 8am we were still talking (that alone is a miracle). This is where each person is at.

Christina is a Christian, in that she believes in God and Jesus. But she discovered that night (after I answered questions straight from scripture, of which she hadn’t heard before), that she doesn’t believe in the Bible. In her mind, the whole hell/Satan bit doesn’t make sense with a loving God. Even if with free will that means we have the choice to not choose God, she doesn’t understand why God doesn’t (if he’s also all powerful) just save them anyways. I said that a person who chooses that they don’t want God wouldn’t enjoy heaven because heaven is really just the being in the presence of God for eternity and Hell is the absence of it. So if you don’t want God, even if you were in heaven it wouldn't be a heaven. That wasn’t cutting it for her. So she discovered that she believes in her own God, one that fits the mold she wants to see him as, and the Bible is just not for her. You can’t imagine the grief that made me feel. God a la carte is no God at all. We can’t fit Him into boxes. He is the supreme comfort, but also the supreme terror (C.S.). God wanted us to choose to love him so that our love would be real! In terms of spiritual warfare (which I believe in whole heartedly though I know Christians, Christina being one of them, who are doubtful), the demon of feel-good lies was there in full force. I felt him. I prayed against him. My spirit was worn out. I felt attacked (not by her, she was and has been only kind to me even when we disagree (thank you for that by the way), but by the lies that surrounded her (this everyone may not agree with, but if you were me you would have felt it).

Bhavana is at a different place. Like I said before, she is Hindu, something I know close to nothing about. But I discovered that she believes there is one God out there and she thinks He even loves her (Bhav you don’t know how amazing it is that despite it all you have come to believe this when so many Christians aren’t even at that point, and that's a gift from God even if you don’t see that yet); she even talks to Him sometimes. That brought me more joy than she knows, and even kept my spirit from feeling totally hopeless at the night’s conversation. The problem was this. She couldn’t accept Jesus and salvation because that would mean, if I’m right about this whole redemption thing, that all of her loved ones aren’t saved and would then be going to Hell. She told me that even if I’m right after all, she would honestly rather be in Hell with her family than in heaven alone. My heart cried out for her! She didn’t say that just to avoid Christ, but she said it with a genuine grief. Her face and expression and even tears spoke for her. I could see in her heart (well God let me know anyways) that deep down she desperately wants to believe –because that entails so much joy. But at the same time, she just can’t because that would be like condemning all those she loves to hell. To want to believe so bad but not be able to because of fear for loved ones is a situation I will never be able to fully understand. I wanted so bad to be able to feel for her on her level, but who am I kidding? I don’t know the least bit what kind of sadness she must feel. Her demon was fear. Fear that by accepting Christ she’s abandoning her family. This demon did not relent. I felt him in my soul.

Another issue came up for Bhavana, and when I hear it I cringe. Her experience with Christians (esp missionaries) has been anything but Christ-like. In the part of India where her family comes from, the missionaries convert the Hindus for money. In other words, for every convert they get, they get paid. So they go to the poor and hungry and offer some food or money if they convert. What choice do they have? They convert just to get fed, and the missionaries get paid. Now trust me I know that this is not typical. But doesn’t it make you cry out? We are supposed to be the light of the world, the salt of the earth, the feeders of the hungry, the caretakers of the oppressed. God did say that some would call out to him in the end and say Lord, Lord! And He will say, “I never knew you!” Those who use Christ as a pretext for their own agenda, watch out. Christ is not advertising tool, political advocate, money maker. He is our Lord. If we misrepresent Him to others, if our hearts are not truly in it for Him, He will judge us for that when the time comes. People like Bhavana who grow up with this don’t see the love of Christ. All the Christians in her life have told her she’s going to Hell, but how many of them have told her that she was preciously and wonderful made? Did they tell her that Christ loves her unconditionally in a way no human can rival? Did they not just tell her, did they love her?

If we are the Body, why aren’t our arms reaching? Why aren’t our hands healing? Why aren’t our words teaching? Why aren’t our feet going? Why isn’t His love showing?? Jesus paid much too high a price for us to pick and choose who should come. We are the body of Christ. (casting crowns song).

I can’t describe what it feels like to know that in your very kitchen a battle is being waged. (I don’t think it’s a coincidence that Momma brought me Piercing the Darkness and I just finished reading it. It describes spiritual warfare in a real way going on in this world, and lets just say it makes you think, and pray). Not that its not other times, but to know exactly what’s happening is hard, especially when you know you’re losing. My spirit was wounded and weak. My prayers seemed useless (I know that’s not true, but its easy to fall prey to doubt and hopelessness). God was there, of that I’m sure. He was there in a huge way. Walls crumbled. People saw into their hearts. They saw what they really believed. They discovered what their heart desired. I discovered my own ineptitude. I was unprepared and I knew it. My prayer coverage for that moment was horrible. How often had I forgot to pray for them until now, and even after this I forget! I haven’t been in the Word, I let my sword get dull. But thankfully God uses us in times of weakness! He showed up even though I was caught unprepared. He didn’t need me to be. How amazing is that? My prayers weren’t there, but I know the spirit was interceding for them anyways. It’s a good thing God doesn’t need us. But it's a blessing that He still chooses to use us. Crazy. I reached the point where I had nothing to offer so I just got my Bible and read, mostly from the sermon on the mont. There’s nothing like the words of Christ to do what you yourself can’t. I feel the urgency for these girls, God is moving now and He’s not being secretive about it. God wants their hearts, their whole heart. All they need to do is let go. But like we all know, that is the simplest and still the hardest thing of all. For those who read this, you know that all I ask for right now is your prayers.
PS. The thing that started it all, the book, is still at my apartment. Bhav decided not to take it. So when I assumed God wanted to use the book (as in its contents), I was wrong. He only wanted the title. The book wasn’t the important part, it was the conversation that it sparked. Isn’t that always how God does things? Never like you predict.

loving God

One of the things Dana and I talked about in Spain was about how we see God. It’s so easy to think of Him as just a father (at best) or distant like a judge (at worst). But God wants an even deeper relationship than that. Not that the love of a father isn’t amazing or what we need. But he wants to add another kind of love, one that often freaks us out. This isn’t a new idea, but it’s worth repeating. Dana asked right out, “Do you think of Christ as your lover?” She didn’t say friend, father, counselor (all good things). She said lover. I didn’t feel like lying that day (I’ve felt like lying or putting up a front less and less these days), so I said no. She asked why. I said I don’t want that. Why wouldn’t I you may ask. Well to be honest, taking my relationship with Christ to that level entails things I don’t feel like dealing with, mainly because I’m selfish and lazy, but also a little bit afraid. To those who are given more, more will be expected. So I’d rather be more like a child, still justified in my own mind for holding onto this world and my own life more than I should, than like a lover who must completely give her heart away. Christ wants complete and utter honesty from us, like I’ve been told (this is not my forte here) husbands and wives expect from each other. He wants our whole heart. No unfaithfulness. No adultery. He wants us as his bride. But not a damaged and unclean bride, a pure and spotless bride. Now this is often used in Churches and among Christians, but how often to we really think about it. Christ loves us like a lover. Like your soul mate, with a perfect love. Think of whoever this person is in your life (or in the future will be), how much do they love you? With what kind of love? For some its an enormous crazy kind of love. Now imagine God feeling the same way about you, only more! Not in a far off kind of way, but in an intimate way. You scared yet? Cause I am. This is what God wants me to accept from Him, and He wants it in return. I think part of the reason I haven’t grown much in awhile (spiritually that is) is fear. Yeah it’s really cool to have that in your life…but…that just makes life so much harder (not actually, it is actually easier, but by harder I mean I’m not the one in control, which for me seems like it would be harder). I feel like Dana has or is close to reaching this point (of course I can’t really know). You can tell when people are in love. Likewise you can sense when they are in love with their savior.

Dana and I talked about it and she pointed out what may be my biggest stumbling block. As it turns out, my obstacle is also one of my gifts from God himself! Funny how that works out, the whole strength / weakness deal again. God gave me reason. He made me logical, rational. I always was a math girl, a problem solver, a mental organizer, a philosopher (haha). I like to think about things, and then categorize them neatly in my head. I like to work out problems to their rational solution. It’s what I do. It’s a gift from God. Someday He’ll teach me how to use it for Him and not just myself. But anyhow, that presents a problem for me. I want the world to be rational. I want God to be rational. I want my relationship with Him and His love to be logical. But God is above the reason He gave me. He is irrational. His love for us is incomprehensible, illogical. You see where I’m headed? If I accept it, I’m getting myself into something I can’t understand. That doesn’t sit well. Even when I read the Bible I have to figure out what every verse means. Those in my Bible study know this to be true. Have I ever just been honest and let a verse remain a mystery to me, something to be awed and amazed by? No. That’s not how I like things. That’s why God didn’t make me a poet. Things need an explanation, not mystery. So God or Christ being my lover, too irrational. I can’t earn that kind of love, and I feel like I ought to. That might be a problem down the road I suppose, feeling like you have to earn love from another person cause it will just leave you feeling like you don’t deserve them or their love when you should just accept it and return it. A father’s love, well that’s easier. They have to love you, it’s like their job. They love you even when you suck at life. It’s like that country song. But the other kind, I don’t know. I can’t figure it out. But He doesn’t want me to. “Be still and know that I am God” (Psalm 40something:10) doesn't not say sit and figure me out. It orders our awe of Him…hmm

Anyways, the point is, well I guess there isn’t really a point after all. I suppose these are just thoughts, ideas. Take from it what you will. You must all think I’m more bizarre than ever by now…haha. That’s good. It’ll teach you from thinking I have it all together. I may always want to have the answer, but I don’t… Love you all!

more from spain...

Spain….

Dana and I ended our Spanish adventures chilling in Valladolid. We walked around in God’s glorious sunshine and did some devotional time in the park. God brought along some funny old men to make us smile. They talked with Dana for a bit about the most random things. One talked to me even though I didn’t understand. He told Dana I was quiet, she told him I didn’t speak Spanish. That was a funny moment. They ended by telling us how nice we were and how beautiful. I think we both needed their kind words. It’s like at just the right time God speaks to you through the most random people, and when He does you just know He’s the one who said it. That felt good. Then it was time for me to leave, sadly.

I started the train ride without any problems. I thoroughly enjoyed the leg from Vall. to Madrid. It was everything after Madrid that sucked. On the train there were the most adorable Spanish girls in front of me, three of them none older than 7. They kept looking at me and giggling and trying to get my attention. When they saw I was reading they showed me their book. The title had Feliz Navidad in it. I knew what that meant. They may have wanted me to read it but of course, I couldn’t. I told one of them they had a pretty bracelet (I don’t even remember the word now that Dana had taught me) and then my Spanish was spent. Luckily, God made things called cookies that I’ve always claimed transcend language barriers. Remember my bus trip to Torino next to the Romanian dude? The only thing he understood was what I could communicate by giving him a cookie, and I think that’s love for you. Who needs words when you have a smile and a cookie. That’s what I think anyways. So I secretly passed 3 cookies up to them and they loved it. Their weird looking friend (I am not at all Spanish looking) had treats! haha….A little while later they slipped me some Spanish starbursts. We bonded.

Unfortunately the rest of the ride wasn’t real great. The car I was in kept the lights on, but I fell asleep several times anyways. I woke up, however, at 4am and didn’t sleep much after that. My stomach was churning. Some Spanish food the night before was not feeling so great. And lucky me still had till 2pm before I’d be home (funny that my trip to Spain took almost twice the time it took me to get here from the states…). It sucked hard core. I hate stomach aches; second to throwing up I think they’re the worst way to be sick. So I tried to read, to listen to music, to not think about it. I guess it was bound to happen. I was bound to get sick eventually (after all I’d been healthy since Feb) and with the amount I travel the odds were good it’d be during that time. So yeah, that was not fun. But we’ll just drop the story there.

The days that followed I continued to feel sick, but being at home and at the beach made it better. I got to chill with Christina so I wasn’t alone like I thought I’d be (cause everyone else is still on break). The only thing left was, well, waiting it out till it was time to go to Africa!