Fighting Apathy

It's been awhile since I've written, so I thought I'd update y'all on the goings on around here. I've spent the last two weeks in blissful vacation, away from a job I don't particularly enjoy, and away from stress in the broader sense. To clarify, I still like my job, at least parts of it. But the majority of my job feels like, and probably is, a waste of time. Even the classes I like are not all that helpful to the students, at least not in the immediate sense (they are not improving in any of the ways that will help them for their BAC or for their future careers, try as I may).

A large part of this is the fault of the French school system coupled with the French culture as a whole. French schools teach memorize and regurgitation. French children find this an especially hard task in English, as languages tend to require more flexibility of thought. The French system also encourages a sort of leveling down, where going above and beyond is rare but barely meeting minimum requirements is rewarded. Part of that is cultural, in the sense that there is no exterior motivation to excel, academically or otherwise. A few students may have some inclination to excel (for their own satisfaction), but it's quickly squelched by the system. The system is riddled with teachers who hate teaching, or are too burnt out to care, or just lack creativity. It was easy for me to judge them when I first got here because I was a bundle of American energy and enthusiasm ready to take on the world, but I was also a newbie to the system and didn't fully understand what was going on with both the teachers and students. To put it bluntly, the system will suck out all of your enthusiasm, and it will undermine all of your emotional fortitude. By this I don't mean that my job is hard, per se, but rather that even a fresh outsider can be demoralized within the course of a year, which says something. Teachers fight with the students, students don't respect their teachers. No one gets on, and no one learns. Students get by and move on, while teachers hold on and grit their teeth. It's vicious.

All of that is to say that I don't think French schools do a good job of inspiring students. I know that many American schools struggle with this as well, but I think it's worse here. There is a lack of creativity, and there's this ridiculous power struggle between the teachers and students. Sure, this is the country of revolution, but this is also a country of class and power and conflict. Everyone wants respect, but no one is willing to return it. Teachers are traditional, and they don't respect the students yet demand that the students respect them. The students may have complied in years past, but this generation has had enough. They don't respect the teachers, and they don't care about anything. It's a generation of apathy and rebellion. This makes teaching that much harder. It's especially hard to come in from the outside, with no inside knowledge of the system, and no way to overcome it. Every day I try, and most days I fail.

I'm not talking about getting the kids to like me either. Truth be told, most of them do like me, or are in someway fascinated by my foreignness. The problem is, that's not enough! They like me, but they hate learning, or at least, they hate school. They want me to like them, so they'll behave for me (sometimes), but they don't want to learn what I want to teach them. They aren't inspired. Some days I kindle in them a small flame of interest only to find it promptly put out by the teacher I'm working with or one they see later in the day. It's very discouraging, for both me and them. Now I want to add that I still think I've made strides with many of my classes, I just doubt the long-term impact I've had on them. I'm not expecting them to remember everything I teach them, or even anything, but I do want them to learn how to be excited about learning and about the world and their own role in making sense of it. It just isn't working quite like I imagined it would.

I have several classes where the students beg me to teach them without the teacher there. I would prefer to too. They open up to me more than the teacher, and the students that still care somewhat about school and their grades are terrified of the teachers. They can safely learn with me, but I don't have the power to tell the teacher to leave (nor would they) and in some cases the class is just to large to take on my own. In another class I have 2 British girls that are going through some troubles because they're forced to take English. They don't get along with their teacher, and they're bored out of their minds. I proposed an independent project for them, but I think it's too late. The damage between teacher and students is done. I have other students who are just so burnt out by the system that they don't care about anything anymore. They don't mind me, but they sure as heck won't put in any effort for me because they hate what I stand for. It's rough because you can't make them care.

I say this because teaching over here isn't all it's cracked up to be. Superficially, it's quite easy, and I hardly have to work at all. I could walk into a class and wing it, and the students wouldn't be any the worse for it. And behavior isn't too bad, because they like me well enough. It's just demoralizing to fight an uphill battle against years of crappy schooling and apathy. You do what you can and hope it's enough, but you worry that you can't change anything. You worry that it's all just a waste of time, and that's why I don't enjoy my job. I often like it, because I like my students and I like some of the subjects I'm teaching them, but I don't have much in the way of "job satisfaction" because I can't fight that nagging fear that this is all just pointless. Sigh.

That was all to say that vacation was much needed. And vay-kay was made all that more awesome by my great news from UNC. I even spent half a week in Montpellier, which I'll write about as soon as I get some more time. And in even better news, my principal has given me the OK to take a week off in March and go visit UNC. So really, despite the suckiness of French schools, things are going well. The sun's out today, and I'm going to go out and enjoy it. A plus (until later)!

update: I should add, that this could very well be just a problem for my school... and maybe I shouldn't generalize... but I think it's quite likely bigger than just this lycee...