And when all is said and done...

This post is coming to you all the way from Chicago International Airport. I've had some time to kill (read: 7 hours and counting, just here). Today I left Avranches, for good. I will still have a few posts in me after this, at least until after Elodie's wedding in June. But my time in Avranches has ended, and I'm ready to move on. I've been lazy about posts recently, so this one is just some loose ends about some things I've been meaning to write about for awhile.

UCLA: My decision. I wasn't very specific about why I decided on UCLA. So now I'll try and eleborate it a bit more. Before my trip I was fairly certain that I'd go to UNC, and my visit to UNC confirmed that in my mind. But there was something different about UCLA. When I was there, it wasn't that it seemed better, it just felt different. I couldn't put my finger on it, but I had a really good feeling about that department and that city. That feeling surprised me because I expected not to care for UCLA very much. But I did, and that threw me off. Even with that feeling, I wasn't sure. I'm never sure, which my friends can vouch for. Decisions and I don't work well together. Normally, I don't have to make big life changing decisions, like whether to abandon law school or which side of the country to live on for the next 6-7 years. But usually the decisions just happen. I don't think about them too much; I just know, eventually. But until I know, I don't know at all. Does that make sense? What I mean is that before the decision makes itself (before the feeling comes I guess), I have no idea, not even an inkling, or at least I think I don't. And then something happens, or nothing happens, and I just know what I'm supposed to do. It happened when I applied as an undergrad (I made my decision to go to Madison before I applied, and just didn't apply elsewhere, which is strange). It happened when I decided to study abroad, finish early, go back to France, apply to law school, etc. It's funny because you'd think the law school part was a mistake, but it couldn't have been, because if I didn't plan on that then I wouldn't have studied philosophy or taken the classes I did. And when it came time to decide if I wanted to do this grad school thing, and abandon the goals I'd made for myself since middle school, it happened the same way. I went from completely unsure to sure. It just happened. And that's what happened with this decision. I grappled with it during my whole trip home, and with my friends and family when I got back. And then I just knew. It was strange. When I flipped the coin with Irene and it landed on tails, I was glad, and my being glad confirmed what I felt. I told myself that if my feeling was right, what God wanted, then God would get me off that waitlist (which required 4 of 7 undecided people to say no-- not promising). And on April 15th I got an email: I was in. And I knew. It's all very strange, going from completely undecided to this sort of calmness about it. It's not certainity, really, not that strong. Just sort of calmness about it. It's hard to explain, but there it is. The nerd from Wisconsin is moving to LA.

Liberties: The Liberties is our favorite pub, our own pub, in this small small town. We love it because it's English, or at least, the owner and one of the other bartenders are English. The other night Irene and I made a trip there to chat with Danielle and we had a strange barmate. He told us from across the bar that he was a gypsy, but that he was not a "naughty" gypsy. Well that was our first clue. The drunker he got, the more he started shouting at Danielle and I and tried to get our attention, but we ignored him. Finally Danielle turned to him and said that she was in the middle of a conversation, and he started repeating, "Donc tu dois me dire 'Ta guelle!'" (= your snout, or shut the f*** up, not very nice) ...he said that over and over again and finally she told him that she doesn't speak that way and neither should he. By the end he was pretty belligerent, and she refused to serve him, saying that it was time for bar close. When she finally got him to scram, she starting serving people again. I don't know much about gypsy culture in France, but Danielle told me that in the summer they are a lot of them in Avranches and the men cause problems at her pub, so much so that she hired a bouncer for the weekends. Ten or twenty will come in and refuse to pay, start fights, etc. She gets freaked out because as a woman working alone, she can't stand up to them. Usually she just doesn't fight back when they decide not to pay. Now I'm sure not all gypsies are that rowdy, but I guess the ones that come into her pub are, so she's not a fan. Interesting.

Boredom: Vacation was horrible. Two weeks with nothing to do, and lots of rain. On one of the nice days Irene and I went to Granville (on the coast), which was great, but the rest of vacation sucked. I watched 3 seasons of Veronica Mars, every episode of House, and some other things I can't remember. Bored to death. Ready to leave.

First impressions: Yesterday Irene told me what her first impression of me was. By the look on her face, it didn't seem like a good one. Apparently, when she first met me she thought I was the "stereotypical American blond"...I asked for elaboration, and she said that she thought I was probably one of those "popular girls"... implying: mean? Haha. I don't think I've ever been mistaken for a "cool" or "popular" girl. Don't let the blond hair and (initial) friendliness throw you off, I'm not, nor have I ever been, "cool"... but hey, a Chilian thought for about a week that I was. I asked her if she's since revised her view, and yes, yes she has (but for the better, apparently). Sigh, can't keep the appearance up for that long.

Last day of work: my students on Monday seemed genuinely upset that I was leaving. I think, though, because these are the students that I work with while the teacher is there, and they prefer me over her. But hey, I'll take it. Their teacher said that she's seen a lot of improvement overall in thier writing. They write more logically and more deeply. Holler.

Last Soiree: Marie-Francoise had us over for one final soiree, and it lasted quite some time. We were tired, but enjoyed it a great deal. I will miss those.

Last night: For my last night in Avranches, we ate at our beloved kebab stand (classy) and then sat outside at a cafe for a drink. We tried to go the liberties, but it was closed. Later Danielle got ahold of me and told us to come over to her pub for some drinks on the house to say farwell and all that. Our little fete ended up lasting until 3am (my alarm was set for 5am). Danielle even busted out a nice bottle of real champagne, which was excellent, if you're wondering. It was so sad to say goodbye. We will miss her and that pub.

Because we got home so late, Rachel and I decided to just stay up (Kate did not, falling asleep on my bed...what would have been my bed). I got some things ready (and still managed to forget a hairbrush and forget to take out the trash, oh well). When I said goodbye to Irene earlier in the night she was a wreck, but I was eerily okay. I didn't cry, not even when I later said goodbye to Kate and Rachel. Rachel says I'm cold (jokingly), but I like to call it stoic. Doesn't sound so bad. I will miss all of those girls dearly, much more so than I will the city itself or my job. But I just don't cry. Some time soon I'll post a sum up of my impressions of the year. But that requires too much effort for the moment.

Horrid trip home, the trip that still isn't done yet: On Friday I left Avranches at 5h30am with Eric and took the train from Villedieu to Paris. The train ride wasn't bad. I was, obviously, extrememly tired, so I slept for a good deal of it. The real problem came when we arrived. I have a backpack with my monster computer and two bags that are close to 50lbs each. Most of the weight is from the books that I can't bear to part with. Needless to say, I had a horrible time fumbling around with my suitcases and dragging them around Montparnasse looking for the Airport shuttle. Sigh.

The shuttle got me to Charles de Gualle after about a 2 hour wait (not sure why the delay). Then I dragged my luggage over to the US Airways guichet. Hmm, that's interesting, there's no line. Sweet. As I approach the man at the window I see a worried look come over his face. Crap. Um madame... We regret to inform you, but, your flight to Philly has been canceled. Crap crap crap. Please go wait in that really long line with your massive amounts of luggage and we'll try and get you home eventually. Awesome. The line wait was about 2 hours, my suitcases being slowly dragged every step of the way. Thank God I was earlier enough in the line to get on the next flight to Chicago and connect on to Atlanta. She gave me my new tickets and said hurry! Okay! Drag my stuff to the other terminal, ugh. And get there just as the last few people are boarding. Sweet.

On the plane I was so pissed to find that once again there were only a few little movie screens at an awkward angle in the aisle. This is why I spent the extra 20 bucks to take US Airways, hoping not to get a crap AA flight again. Nope, I just can't get away from them. I was also supposed to have an empty seat next to me, not so much anymore. This flight was packed. I had the good fortune to have a crazy french woman next to me. Let's just say I had to translate a fight between her and the flight attendant about the duty free cigarettes that they ran out of, and she decided to turn into chatty cathy just as soon as the movie started. Grrr. The flight was long, and I'm tired and hungry, as usual. We arrived and I was supposed to have a 2 hour layover before my flight to Atlanta. And then it was delayed by an hour, and then another, and another. I have been in Chicago for over 7 hours. I want to die. It would have been easier for my mom to pick me up then sit around here starving and desperately wanting a bed. I'm about ready to break down. This is why I'm blogging, to try and find some sanity in my long, long, long day. If they push the flight back anymore I might just ask for a hotel. Can you do that? I don't even know.

I should be in Atlanta right now, or Auburn, but I'm not. If I ever get there, I'll be sure to let you know. Later gators.

update: Just for fun I rechecked the ETD: from 10:45 to 11:05. Are they joking?? (it was orginially 6:55).