Today, to the sound of Edith Piaf's famous song (see title: Absolutely nothing, I regret nothing), I marched on down to the train station to buy my ticket to Paris for Wednesday. It was a bit blustery, but I was feeling rather chipper. This week has been (for the most part) a pretty good week. Mainly, my kids are finally behaving and I'm starting to warm up to Avranches again. On my walk I took the path through the jardin des plantes, and it was prettier than I remembered, even with the gray sky overhead. Not too bad.
This week I did a lot of lessons (again) on gender, race and politics, which interested a select number of students quite a bit, and the rest of my students not at all. But that's okay, because I'm going to continue our discussions next week, and however long it takes for everyone to care. They can't get away that easy! In fact, I was quite surprised to find that again this week the macho boys took more of an interest in the subject than I would have ever imagined. Maybe there is hope.
Yesterday I did some practice Cambridge Oral Exams for my yearbook-ers, and I was (thankfully) on my own. The kids did a great job, and listened, and seemed to actually care about the advice and tips I was giving them. I guess when you mention "upcoming exam" they start to tune it, esp since I can help them more than their actual teacher. We worked on having normal-ish conversations, and using questions/etc when you're unsure what the topic is. I reminded them that if they don't know they can ask their partner (the exam is in pairs) questions, and if those questions are in English, then that counts towards showing that they have a command of the language. It even makes the conversation less forced. So we'll see. For homework I told them all to go to mtv.com (I kid you not) and watch some of the free shows online. I recommended the Hills, Laguna Beach, True Life and Made (though there are plenty of others). They were shocked that I would actually recommend those shows, and I explained to them that not only are those shows shallow and simple, but they use boring everyday conversation vocabulary. If they just watch a few episodes, they'll hear a lot of greetings, etc, that will help reinforce the vocab they need for their exam (and it will aid in the listening comprehension part). At the end of class I told them that I'd be gone next week because I'd be in the US, and they flipped out. They thought I was finished or something, but I explained that I'd be back the next week, and that would be my last day. That didn't help much. They seemed genuinely upset. I'd like to think it's because they think I'm a cool assistant, but a part of me knows they just prefer dinking around with me than getting yelled at by their teacher. A few of them suggested we have a party, and some said that if they ever travel to the US they are going to visit me (yeah right, but nice thought). And they made me promise to visit them after break during my last two days (I end on a Tuesday, but see them on a Friday). Part of me would be willing to finish out that whole week for the sake of some of my classes, but another part is ready to be done with some of my more unruly classes, so I think I'll just end on Tuesday (though I will stop by one of their other classes before leaving).
You will all be proud to hear about my culinary progress this week. Rachel had already taught me how to do some yummy sauted potatoes, and Kate taught me a great way to use spinach and creme to make a sauce for tortellini, but this week Colin taught me how to make a reduction sauce. It's great because the principles he taught me are basic enough that by changing a few ingredients you can make a radically different sauce. He helped me make a red wine sauce for my turkey and it was quite delicious. The non-evident tips: butter and flour to thicken the sauce, chicken or beef stalk for added flavor, if using cider (my goal for next week) add lardons (bacon pieces) to spice it up a bit. He also showed me how to roast garlic, which you can add to mayonnaise for a posh condiment. And if you cut a garlic clove in half and remove the green bit, you effectively eliminate the cause of garlic breathe. Thank you Colin. I even bought an artichoke (on a whim), and he promised to help me figure out what to do with it. One day, I'll eat like a normal person. No more chicken nuggets!
Saturday, March 29, 2008
Sunday, March 23, 2008
A long Easter post
Sorry ahead of time for the long post, but here it goes. The end of the week went okay at school, surprisingly enough. For the most part, my kids discussed stuff and what not, though I think perhaps my standards are just lower now than they were at the beginning (in fact, I'll wager that this is the real reason). I also started tutoring 3 kids who need help getting ready for the BAC, and no, this is not paid. I was sucked into it somehow, and I feel bad turning down kids who, for once, voluntarily want to work on English. We had a really good session, truthfully, and I wish my other students cared as much as those 3 kids (and they weren't great at English by any stretch of the imagination, but they were trying). And actually, on Friday Marie Francoise told me that the boy in the group told her he has started to fall in love with me...haha. It amazes me how I can inspire such opposite reactions in my students (love, indifference, hatred). Oh well. I'll chalk it up to the subject matter. I was also told this week by the teacher who teaches my BTS students (the 19-20 somethings) that I need to speak slower because the kids are too scared to ask me to repeat or slow down. Let me add here that I am well aware that they don't/can't understand me. I ask them repeatedly to ask me questions, to show any signs of life. They don't, so my patience has dried up. Now I just go talk at them for an hour and hope they absorb something. Sometimes I have an actual conversation with one or two students, but the others, well maybe if they SHUT UP they would be able to understand me. Scared, whatever. These kids are as old as I am. But again, my standards have fallen quite low, so I'm not all that bothered. My yearbook kids and my philosophy stars are keeping me from utter insanity, so I'll take what I can get.
This weekend the weather has taken an interesting turn. What was once a bit sunny and even, dare I say it, warm, is now cold and blustery and rainy. Boo. Yes, I know that Wisconsin is buried under 2 feet of snow, but the weather here does suck. It's always wet, and windy, and the wind is strong enough to blow me across the Channel. In fact, on Saturday night it even snowed for a good 5 min (giant wet clumps). That was at least a little exciting. Rachel and I flipped out and I even took a picture. It doesn't take much around here.
Easter. Easter was interesting. It started off on the wrong foot because Irene and I had a bit of a confusion in the morning. We were supposed to go to Church together, and 15 min before our ETD she skyped me to say she was running late but that she'd come over when she was ready. Close to 30 min later she still didn't come over. So I went to her apartment and saw a sticky note on the door that said in French, "Lindsey, excuse me but I can't go with you to Church." Ohh... hmm, glad I came out and didn't wait in my apartment... Why didn't she just skype me and tell me that too?? Well, as it turns out, she did come over and knocked really quietly so as to not wake up Rachel, only I couldn't hear it over the roar that is my computer. So she tried calling me and my phone was on silent. She had been feeling ill all weekend so after not finding me she just went to bed. The note she had written in the middle of the night when she woke up feeling sick, in case she couldn't wake up to go. Oops. Well, not knowing any of that, I headed out to Church solo, much to my dismay.
You may wonder why yesterday, of all Sundays, I didn't want to go alone. Well, for various reasons, I've stopped going to the tiny evangelical church. It was so small that it's really hard going and not feeling like a part of their little community. Part of that is my own fault, but it really is just a bit uneasy to go there, and the last thing you want to worry about when you're supposed to be praising /learning about God is how awkward you feel. So I've been doing some distance church time thanks to Blackhawk's website. But for Easter I wanted some corporate worship, and I thought I'd go to St. Gervais, the prettier (and warmer feeling) cathedral of the two in our city. The only thing is, St. Gervais is a catholic church and I'm, well, not catholic. I have nothing against catholicism, I just don't really understand it and the last time I went to a Catholic mass (in Montpellier) I was super confused. So Irene was supposed to go with me so that I would know what was going on (she is Catholic), and so we could finally go to Church together (after all of our God-conversations, the only reason we haven't is that she didn't want to go to the protestant church with me).
Anyway, it was quite the experience. I came late so I didn't get a bulletin with all the songs and liturgy readings, so I looked like I wasn't participating when really I just didn't have any way to follow along. I was also sitting up at the short arm part of the cross, in what appeared to be the veteran section, because I was surrounded by 70-somethings who knew exactly when to stand, make the cross sign, bow, sit, stand, pray, etc. I took comfort in the younger families across the way that clearly only stepped foot inside the church for Easter and Christmas (Cheasters... I felt like one of them), and who, like me, looked like they had no idea what to do next. The service was complete with the dude swinging the smoking can thing all over the place (hey, it smelled nice) and one of the priests went around shaking these branches at us and getting us wet (to which everyone around me bowed a few times and did some cross signs for good measure, while I looked baffled and quite confused). Oh my. My favorite part was the nun leading everyone in the hymns. She was a cutie, and quite energetic for someone her age. She had my respect. And here's the best part. I had no intention of taking communion, because although I could in pretty much any protestant church, I am well aware that the Catholic church prefers you to actually be a confirmed Catholic before you take communion with them. Out of respect, I was going to abstain. However, when the time came I had to let the old folks out of my row, and the only way to do this was to actually get up and get out of the row myself. When I did this, I found myself next in line for communion with the lady in our corner (don't ask how this actually happened, I'm not too sure). I couldn't very well tell the lady that although I was in line, I had changed my mind and didn't want the wafer. I had to be quick, so I just stuck my hands out like I saw someone do once (it was that or open my mouth, I think) and took the wafer. She said something that I didn't understand, and the only thing I could think to say was "Merci!" To my horror, Irene later told me that I was supposed to say Amen because she was giving me a blessing (Irene found my experience incredibly funny, and she was sorry to miss it). The lady probably thought I'd never been to church in my life. Oh well. This is all, of course, just the funny bit. It was actually a really nice service and it was nice to have some time away from everything to actually think about what Christ did/does for us, for all of us. I'm glad I went, because I needed the reminder. I think we all do.
Later on we had the pagan portion of our Easter celebration. The two Rachels hid a few bags full of chocolate eggs around the elementary school where Rachel and Kate live. In a girls vs guys competition (Rachel's boyfriend and his friend are here this week), we had a night time, flashlight only, egg hunt. Madness ensued. Needless to say, I feel sick from all the eggs we ate. Yummy. This week some lucky kids are going to find eggs randomly in the corridor and library.
That's about it. In about a week (April 2nd) I will be on my way to the States to visit schools. I can't wait! I'll have to make my decision in about 4 days after I get back. We'll see!
This weekend the weather has taken an interesting turn. What was once a bit sunny and even, dare I say it, warm, is now cold and blustery and rainy. Boo. Yes, I know that Wisconsin is buried under 2 feet of snow, but the weather here does suck. It's always wet, and windy, and the wind is strong enough to blow me across the Channel. In fact, on Saturday night it even snowed for a good 5 min (giant wet clumps). That was at least a little exciting. Rachel and I flipped out and I even took a picture. It doesn't take much around here.
Easter. Easter was interesting. It started off on the wrong foot because Irene and I had a bit of a confusion in the morning. We were supposed to go to Church together, and 15 min before our ETD she skyped me to say she was running late but that she'd come over when she was ready. Close to 30 min later she still didn't come over. So I went to her apartment and saw a sticky note on the door that said in French, "Lindsey, excuse me but I can't go with you to Church." Ohh... hmm, glad I came out and didn't wait in my apartment... Why didn't she just skype me and tell me that too?? Well, as it turns out, she did come over and knocked really quietly so as to not wake up Rachel, only I couldn't hear it over the roar that is my computer. So she tried calling me and my phone was on silent. She had been feeling ill all weekend so after not finding me she just went to bed. The note she had written in the middle of the night when she woke up feeling sick, in case she couldn't wake up to go. Oops. Well, not knowing any of that, I headed out to Church solo, much to my dismay.
You may wonder why yesterday, of all Sundays, I didn't want to go alone. Well, for various reasons, I've stopped going to the tiny evangelical church. It was so small that it's really hard going and not feeling like a part of their little community. Part of that is my own fault, but it really is just a bit uneasy to go there, and the last thing you want to worry about when you're supposed to be praising /learning about God is how awkward you feel. So I've been doing some distance church time thanks to Blackhawk's website. But for Easter I wanted some corporate worship, and I thought I'd go to St. Gervais, the prettier (and warmer feeling) cathedral of the two in our city. The only thing is, St. Gervais is a catholic church and I'm, well, not catholic. I have nothing against catholicism, I just don't really understand it and the last time I went to a Catholic mass (in Montpellier) I was super confused. So Irene was supposed to go with me so that I would know what was going on (she is Catholic), and so we could finally go to Church together (after all of our God-conversations, the only reason we haven't is that she didn't want to go to the protestant church with me).
Anyway, it was quite the experience. I came late so I didn't get a bulletin with all the songs and liturgy readings, so I looked like I wasn't participating when really I just didn't have any way to follow along. I was also sitting up at the short arm part of the cross, in what appeared to be the veteran section, because I was surrounded by 70-somethings who knew exactly when to stand, make the cross sign, bow, sit, stand, pray, etc. I took comfort in the younger families across the way that clearly only stepped foot inside the church for Easter and Christmas (Cheasters... I felt like one of them), and who, like me, looked like they had no idea what to do next. The service was complete with the dude swinging the smoking can thing all over the place (hey, it smelled nice) and one of the priests went around shaking these branches at us and getting us wet (to which everyone around me bowed a few times and did some cross signs for good measure, while I looked baffled and quite confused). Oh my. My favorite part was the nun leading everyone in the hymns. She was a cutie, and quite energetic for someone her age. She had my respect. And here's the best part. I had no intention of taking communion, because although I could in pretty much any protestant church, I am well aware that the Catholic church prefers you to actually be a confirmed Catholic before you take communion with them. Out of respect, I was going to abstain. However, when the time came I had to let the old folks out of my row, and the only way to do this was to actually get up and get out of the row myself. When I did this, I found myself next in line for communion with the lady in our corner (don't ask how this actually happened, I'm not too sure). I couldn't very well tell the lady that although I was in line, I had changed my mind and didn't want the wafer. I had to be quick, so I just stuck my hands out like I saw someone do once (it was that or open my mouth, I think) and took the wafer. She said something that I didn't understand, and the only thing I could think to say was "Merci!" To my horror, Irene later told me that I was supposed to say Amen because she was giving me a blessing (Irene found my experience incredibly funny, and she was sorry to miss it). The lady probably thought I'd never been to church in my life. Oh well. This is all, of course, just the funny bit. It was actually a really nice service and it was nice to have some time away from everything to actually think about what Christ did/does for us, for all of us. I'm glad I went, because I needed the reminder. I think we all do.
Later on we had the pagan portion of our Easter celebration. The two Rachels hid a few bags full of chocolate eggs around the elementary school where Rachel and Kate live. In a girls vs guys competition (Rachel's boyfriend and his friend are here this week), we had a night time, flashlight only, egg hunt. Madness ensued. Needless to say, I feel sick from all the eggs we ate. Yummy. This week some lucky kids are going to find eggs randomly in the corridor and library.
That's about it. In about a week (April 2nd) I will be on my way to the States to visit schools. I can't wait! I'll have to make my decision in about 4 days after I get back. We'll see!
Wednesday, March 19, 2008
Things are looking up
This week has been good, in so far as things can be good around here. On Monday I had to give 5 students in my "philosophy" class a mock oral exam. Needless to say, all 5 of my students did an outstanding job. They had a random statement or question for a prompt, 5 minutes to prepare, and then they had to discuss the prompt with me for 10 minutes (and I helped the discussion by asking questions). My star students did well, but so too did my quieter students. There were 2 girls in particular who did fantastic, speaking with me (intelligibly) for the full time period. I was stunned, and quite pleased. Those two girls always seemed the least interested in my class, never smiling and never participating. But they seemed to really enjoy the one on one time with me, and one even used the example of our philosophy lessons as a way to combat stereotypes. I was so happy with all of them. I'm not sure if the students who went with MF did quite so well, but my lot did just fine... and part of it, I think, was that they seem to really be at ease with me and that makes it easier for them to practice their English. So yeah, score one for the lowly assistant.
On Tuesday my class wasn't so great (they combined with another class for a total of around 22) because they would not shut upn (mind you, these kids are 19/20 somethings). I gave them an article about Clinton and Obama and the role of gender and race in politics. It sparked discussion, just not in English and not as a class. People were talking amongst themselves, and it was very frustrating. It's not that they don't always do that (because believe me, they do), it's that this time there was a handful of "macho" guys who are never serious but who were for once trying to express their opinions about this. They tried to explain to me (over the noisy class) that France is not ready for a woman or a minority president (certainly not a North African). I asked why and they said that even though they personally think it would be a good thing, the French are (and this is them not me) too stubborn and traditional and the media perpetuates the problem. It was interesting, though annoying that not everyone was being serious. I told them that we'd continue the topic next week, and they should come prepared to talk about how to solve the problem! I won't hold my breath.
Anyway, the real good news is that I have very encouraging news from UCLA, and I've found out a lot more about their department. It is looking much more appealing than ever, which is bad, in a way, because my decision will be that much harder. The prospect of living in a big city now seems almost exciting (instead of yet another college town), but still, I'm not sure if it'd be fun after a year or 5. The good news is that UCLA can help me visit, so if the airline plays nice than I will be visiting both UNC and UCLA the first week in April. Um, amazing. I really hope it works out, and I really hope the visit(s) will give me clarity on where I should go. God, make it clear! Here's where you should all chime in and give me your thoughts, based on how well you know me. LA or NC?
On Tuesday my class wasn't so great (they combined with another class for a total of around 22) because they would not shut upn (mind you, these kids are 19/20 somethings). I gave them an article about Clinton and Obama and the role of gender and race in politics. It sparked discussion, just not in English and not as a class. People were talking amongst themselves, and it was very frustrating. It's not that they don't always do that (because believe me, they do), it's that this time there was a handful of "macho" guys who are never serious but who were for once trying to express their opinions about this. They tried to explain to me (over the noisy class) that France is not ready for a woman or a minority president (certainly not a North African). I asked why and they said that even though they personally think it would be a good thing, the French are (and this is them not me) too stubborn and traditional and the media perpetuates the problem. It was interesting, though annoying that not everyone was being serious. I told them that we'd continue the topic next week, and they should come prepared to talk about how to solve the problem! I won't hold my breath.
Anyway, the real good news is that I have very encouraging news from UCLA, and I've found out a lot more about their department. It is looking much more appealing than ever, which is bad, in a way, because my decision will be that much harder. The prospect of living in a big city now seems almost exciting (instead of yet another college town), but still, I'm not sure if it'd be fun after a year or 5. The good news is that UCLA can help me visit, so if the airline plays nice than I will be visiting both UNC and UCLA the first week in April. Um, amazing. I really hope it works out, and I really hope the visit(s) will give me clarity on where I should go. God, make it clear! Here's where you should all chime in and give me your thoughts, based on how well you know me. LA or NC?
Saturday, March 15, 2008
Stuck in a Rut
First I'll tell you about the end of Feburary break, though I realize it's a little late in coming. I wanted to see Emilie and Elodie (Sophie was gone that weekend) in Montpellier for some catchup time and some sunshine, and some of the girls here decided to go with me. We trained down the long 9 hour trip, but when we got there the city was as warm and gorgeous as ever. We stayed at the Citadines in Antigone (the wealthy business district) because that's where my mom and company stayed when they came to visit me last time I was here. I found a great deal online, and the four of us could split an apartment for only 20 something euros a night (about the equivalent of a crummy hostel in Paris). The apartment was fabulous with a fully stocked kitchen and a balcony. We were loving it, and from the first night we didn't want to ever leave. I showed the girls around the city, and they loved it, of course. It was sunny and bright and the architecture is breathtaking. The whole time they kept saying how they wished we lived there. Me too.
I got to hang with Elodie, and we chatted and got caught up. She's swamped with wedding stuff, but she's getting really excited for June to come, and so am I. She explained how we all walk (wedding party and guests) from her house to the town hall and then to the church for the ceremony. It's like a big parade! Luckily she lives in a podunk town, so we won't be walking miles in the hot summer sun. She also showed my her dress (at the wedding shop) and it is beautiful. She's going to look amazing on her wedding day. It's still strange to me that she's getting married. After all, when we first bonded 2 years ago it was while we wrote notes to each other in our history class about these two boys she had to decide between. Needless to say, I helped her pick Jean, and I'll admit that he was a star from the start. When he met me and the Americans, he was super nice to us and a ton of fun to hang with, and he's always been great to Elodie. It's weird that I was there for the start and now will be there for the wedding, but I'm super happy that I get to go (and so too is Elodie). I already know all of her family (and Jean's!) so it won't be too strange being the only foreigner around.
We also got to hang with my friend from Emilie from Madison (she and Sophie studied abroad for a semester in Madison and worked on ag stuff). She showed us around her agriculture school, and it was SO much nicer than Paul Valery (where I studied in Montpellier). Science is always favored over humanities, though I can't imagine why... She invited us to a soiree with some of her friends and it was a lot of fun. Sadly for her, she just finished school down there and now is starting her internship. But I think she's ready to move on. It's a shame to have to leave Montpellier though! Hopefully I'll get to see her once or twice before I leave.
And the last notable adventure on our trip was our afternoon at Palavas. We took the bus to...the beach! It may have been March 1st, and it may have been a blustery day, but we took a dip in the Mediterranean like champs. And actually, Christina and I did the very same thing last time I was there, on March 1st. Needless to say, it was a wee bit chilly, and all the bundled up French people thought we were crazy!
Unfortunately our trip had to end and we're back doing the usual in Avranches. This past week or so has been kind of rough for me, and I couldn't pinpoint why. But last night I talked with Irene about feeling more antisocial and super bored and always tired. She felt the same, and it's strange because we both started the year with so much energy and excitement. We figured out why we were in a rut, and the problem is a combination of our lycee and this city. Despite a few classes that we really enjoy, we feel (as I wrote about before) like we're wasting our time here. The students don't work, they don't care, and we're running low on ideas and enthusiasm. It really is draining. It makes the boredom worse, and the apathy stronger. Couple that with this city where nothing ever happens and everything is always closed (!!), and you can't really be all that surprised that we're in a rut. It's hard to energize each other because we just feel so tired and so bored and so ready to leave. Honestly, my work is done here, and I'm ready to go home. I will miss my friends dearly, but not this lycee and not this town. A few months is great, but a full school year is too much. I think my trip to NC in April and having the month of May to travel and stuff will brighten me up a bit, but it can't come soon enough. I've even tried to get back into my philosophy stuff, which sort of helps, but it's not the same without having inspiring classes and people to talk to about it. I can read the books and articles and blogs, but that only gets you so far without real live interaction. All I have to say is that next fall is going to be amazing.
So yeah. We're in a rut around here. Though if the weather brightens up and I can go back to having my reading time out at the parc sportif, well then I just might get out of it. We'll see!
I got to hang with Elodie, and we chatted and got caught up. She's swamped with wedding stuff, but she's getting really excited for June to come, and so am I. She explained how we all walk (wedding party and guests) from her house to the town hall and then to the church for the ceremony. It's like a big parade! Luckily she lives in a podunk town, so we won't be walking miles in the hot summer sun. She also showed my her dress (at the wedding shop) and it is beautiful. She's going to look amazing on her wedding day. It's still strange to me that she's getting married. After all, when we first bonded 2 years ago it was while we wrote notes to each other in our history class about these two boys she had to decide between. Needless to say, I helped her pick Jean, and I'll admit that he was a star from the start. When he met me and the Americans, he was super nice to us and a ton of fun to hang with, and he's always been great to Elodie. It's weird that I was there for the start and now will be there for the wedding, but I'm super happy that I get to go (and so too is Elodie). I already know all of her family (and Jean's!) so it won't be too strange being the only foreigner around.
We also got to hang with my friend from Emilie from Madison (she and Sophie studied abroad for a semester in Madison and worked on ag stuff). She showed us around her agriculture school, and it was SO much nicer than Paul Valery (where I studied in Montpellier). Science is always favored over humanities, though I can't imagine why... She invited us to a soiree with some of her friends and it was a lot of fun. Sadly for her, she just finished school down there and now is starting her internship. But I think she's ready to move on. It's a shame to have to leave Montpellier though! Hopefully I'll get to see her once or twice before I leave.
And the last notable adventure on our trip was our afternoon at Palavas. We took the bus to...the beach! It may have been March 1st, and it may have been a blustery day, but we took a dip in the Mediterranean like champs. And actually, Christina and I did the very same thing last time I was there, on March 1st. Needless to say, it was a wee bit chilly, and all the bundled up French people thought we were crazy!
Unfortunately our trip had to end and we're back doing the usual in Avranches. This past week or so has been kind of rough for me, and I couldn't pinpoint why. But last night I talked with Irene about feeling more antisocial and super bored and always tired. She felt the same, and it's strange because we both started the year with so much energy and excitement. We figured out why we were in a rut, and the problem is a combination of our lycee and this city. Despite a few classes that we really enjoy, we feel (as I wrote about before) like we're wasting our time here. The students don't work, they don't care, and we're running low on ideas and enthusiasm. It really is draining. It makes the boredom worse, and the apathy stronger. Couple that with this city where nothing ever happens and everything is always closed (!!), and you can't really be all that surprised that we're in a rut. It's hard to energize each other because we just feel so tired and so bored and so ready to leave. Honestly, my work is done here, and I'm ready to go home. I will miss my friends dearly, but not this lycee and not this town. A few months is great, but a full school year is too much. I think my trip to NC in April and having the month of May to travel and stuff will brighten me up a bit, but it can't come soon enough. I've even tried to get back into my philosophy stuff, which sort of helps, but it's not the same without having inspiring classes and people to talk to about it. I can read the books and articles and blogs, but that only gets you so far without real live interaction. All I have to say is that next fall is going to be amazing.
So yeah. We're in a rut around here. Though if the weather brightens up and I can go back to having my reading time out at the parc sportif, well then I just might get out of it. We'll see!
Tuesday, March 04, 2008
Fighting Apathy
It's been awhile since I've written, so I thought I'd update y'all on the goings on around here. I've spent the last two weeks in blissful vacation, away from a job I don't particularly enjoy, and away from stress in the broader sense. To clarify, I still like my job, at least parts of it. But the majority of my job feels like, and probably is, a waste of time. Even the classes I like are not all that helpful to the students, at least not in the immediate sense (they are not improving in any of the ways that will help them for their BAC or for their future careers, try as I may).
A large part of this is the fault of the French school system coupled with the French culture as a whole. French schools teach memorize and regurgitation. French children find this an especially hard task in English, as languages tend to require more flexibility of thought. The French system also encourages a sort of leveling down, where going above and beyond is rare but barely meeting minimum requirements is rewarded. Part of that is cultural, in the sense that there is no exterior motivation to excel, academically or otherwise. A few students may have some inclination to excel (for their own satisfaction), but it's quickly squelched by the system. The system is riddled with teachers who hate teaching, or are too burnt out to care, or just lack creativity. It was easy for me to judge them when I first got here because I was a bundle of American energy and enthusiasm ready to take on the world, but I was also a newbie to the system and didn't fully understand what was going on with both the teachers and students. To put it bluntly, the system will suck out all of your enthusiasm, and it will undermine all of your emotional fortitude. By this I don't mean that my job is hard, per se, but rather that even a fresh outsider can be demoralized within the course of a year, which says something. Teachers fight with the students, students don't respect their teachers. No one gets on, and no one learns. Students get by and move on, while teachers hold on and grit their teeth. It's vicious.
All of that is to say that I don't think French schools do a good job of inspiring students. I know that many American schools struggle with this as well, but I think it's worse here. There is a lack of creativity, and there's this ridiculous power struggle between the teachers and students. Sure, this is the country of revolution, but this is also a country of class and power and conflict. Everyone wants respect, but no one is willing to return it. Teachers are traditional, and they don't respect the students yet demand that the students respect them. The students may have complied in years past, but this generation has had enough. They don't respect the teachers, and they don't care about anything. It's a generation of apathy and rebellion. This makes teaching that much harder. It's especially hard to come in from the outside, with no inside knowledge of the system, and no way to overcome it. Every day I try, and most days I fail.
I'm not talking about getting the kids to like me either. Truth be told, most of them do like me, or are in someway fascinated by my foreignness. The problem is, that's not enough! They like me, but they hate learning, or at least, they hate school. They want me to like them, so they'll behave for me (sometimes), but they don't want to learn what I want to teach them. They aren't inspired. Some days I kindle in them a small flame of interest only to find it promptly put out by the teacher I'm working with or one they see later in the day. It's very discouraging, for both me and them. Now I want to add that I still think I've made strides with many of my classes, I just doubt the long-term impact I've had on them. I'm not expecting them to remember everything I teach them, or even anything, but I do want them to learn how to be excited about learning and about the world and their own role in making sense of it. It just isn't working quite like I imagined it would.
I have several classes where the students beg me to teach them without the teacher there. I would prefer to too. They open up to me more than the teacher, and the students that still care somewhat about school and their grades are terrified of the teachers. They can safely learn with me, but I don't have the power to tell the teacher to leave (nor would they) and in some cases the class is just to large to take on my own. In another class I have 2 British girls that are going through some troubles because they're forced to take English. They don't get along with their teacher, and they're bored out of their minds. I proposed an independent project for them, but I think it's too late. The damage between teacher and students is done. I have other students who are just so burnt out by the system that they don't care about anything anymore. They don't mind me, but they sure as heck won't put in any effort for me because they hate what I stand for. It's rough because you can't make them care.
I say this because teaching over here isn't all it's cracked up to be. Superficially, it's quite easy, and I hardly have to work at all. I could walk into a class and wing it, and the students wouldn't be any the worse for it. And behavior isn't too bad, because they like me well enough. It's just demoralizing to fight an uphill battle against years of crappy schooling and apathy. You do what you can and hope it's enough, but you worry that you can't change anything. You worry that it's all just a waste of time, and that's why I don't enjoy my job. I often like it, because I like my students and I like some of the subjects I'm teaching them, but I don't have much in the way of "job satisfaction" because I can't fight that nagging fear that this is all just pointless. Sigh.
That was all to say that vacation was much needed. And vay-kay was made all that more awesome by my great news from UNC. I even spent half a week in Montpellier, which I'll write about as soon as I get some more time. And in even better news, my principal has given me the OK to take a week off in March and go visit UNC. So really, despite the suckiness of French schools, things are going well. The sun's out today, and I'm going to go out and enjoy it. A plus (until later)!
update: I should add, that this could very well be just a problem for my school... and maybe I shouldn't generalize... but I think it's quite likely bigger than just this lycee...
A large part of this is the fault of the French school system coupled with the French culture as a whole. French schools teach memorize and regurgitation. French children find this an especially hard task in English, as languages tend to require more flexibility of thought. The French system also encourages a sort of leveling down, where going above and beyond is rare but barely meeting minimum requirements is rewarded. Part of that is cultural, in the sense that there is no exterior motivation to excel, academically or otherwise. A few students may have some inclination to excel (for their own satisfaction), but it's quickly squelched by the system. The system is riddled with teachers who hate teaching, or are too burnt out to care, or just lack creativity. It was easy for me to judge them when I first got here because I was a bundle of American energy and enthusiasm ready to take on the world, but I was also a newbie to the system and didn't fully understand what was going on with both the teachers and students. To put it bluntly, the system will suck out all of your enthusiasm, and it will undermine all of your emotional fortitude. By this I don't mean that my job is hard, per se, but rather that even a fresh outsider can be demoralized within the course of a year, which says something. Teachers fight with the students, students don't respect their teachers. No one gets on, and no one learns. Students get by and move on, while teachers hold on and grit their teeth. It's vicious.
All of that is to say that I don't think French schools do a good job of inspiring students. I know that many American schools struggle with this as well, but I think it's worse here. There is a lack of creativity, and there's this ridiculous power struggle between the teachers and students. Sure, this is the country of revolution, but this is also a country of class and power and conflict. Everyone wants respect, but no one is willing to return it. Teachers are traditional, and they don't respect the students yet demand that the students respect them. The students may have complied in years past, but this generation has had enough. They don't respect the teachers, and they don't care about anything. It's a generation of apathy and rebellion. This makes teaching that much harder. It's especially hard to come in from the outside, with no inside knowledge of the system, and no way to overcome it. Every day I try, and most days I fail.
I'm not talking about getting the kids to like me either. Truth be told, most of them do like me, or are in someway fascinated by my foreignness. The problem is, that's not enough! They like me, but they hate learning, or at least, they hate school. They want me to like them, so they'll behave for me (sometimes), but they don't want to learn what I want to teach them. They aren't inspired. Some days I kindle in them a small flame of interest only to find it promptly put out by the teacher I'm working with or one they see later in the day. It's very discouraging, for both me and them. Now I want to add that I still think I've made strides with many of my classes, I just doubt the long-term impact I've had on them. I'm not expecting them to remember everything I teach them, or even anything, but I do want them to learn how to be excited about learning and about the world and their own role in making sense of it. It just isn't working quite like I imagined it would.
I have several classes where the students beg me to teach them without the teacher there. I would prefer to too. They open up to me more than the teacher, and the students that still care somewhat about school and their grades are terrified of the teachers. They can safely learn with me, but I don't have the power to tell the teacher to leave (nor would they) and in some cases the class is just to large to take on my own. In another class I have 2 British girls that are going through some troubles because they're forced to take English. They don't get along with their teacher, and they're bored out of their minds. I proposed an independent project for them, but I think it's too late. The damage between teacher and students is done. I have other students who are just so burnt out by the system that they don't care about anything anymore. They don't mind me, but they sure as heck won't put in any effort for me because they hate what I stand for. It's rough because you can't make them care.
I say this because teaching over here isn't all it's cracked up to be. Superficially, it's quite easy, and I hardly have to work at all. I could walk into a class and wing it, and the students wouldn't be any the worse for it. And behavior isn't too bad, because they like me well enough. It's just demoralizing to fight an uphill battle against years of crappy schooling and apathy. You do what you can and hope it's enough, but you worry that you can't change anything. You worry that it's all just a waste of time, and that's why I don't enjoy my job. I often like it, because I like my students and I like some of the subjects I'm teaching them, but I don't have much in the way of "job satisfaction" because I can't fight that nagging fear that this is all just pointless. Sigh.
That was all to say that vacation was much needed. And vay-kay was made all that more awesome by my great news from UNC. I even spent half a week in Montpellier, which I'll write about as soon as I get some more time. And in even better news, my principal has given me the OK to take a week off in March and go visit UNC. So really, despite the suckiness of French schools, things are going well. The sun's out today, and I'm going to go out and enjoy it. A plus (until later)!
update: I should add, that this could very well be just a problem for my school... and maybe I shouldn't generalize... but I think it's quite likely bigger than just this lycee...
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